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Okay. I need feedback.

Pandora: A Greek Play in Two Parts.

If you want to just read for fun, awesome -- I hope you enjoy it. :) I would love it, though, if you could take an extra minute or two and tell me:

~What you liked
~What you hated (or disliked, if you'd like to be charitable)
~What confused you

If you rave unconditionally about it, I will be pleased but suspicious. :P

Grazie!

Current Mood: creative

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

silveraspen

Just to let you know have read in quick scan; will email more detailed commentary?

When is deadline for submission/revision?

From:

adiva_calandia

Not 'til April, so I have plenty of time. But I would like it to be really really good, since there'll be profs watching. *grin*

Thanks!

From:

kornopolous.livejournal.com

Same answer and quesiton as above.

I wanna digest it a bit, overall, great concept, fun idea, some bits are overkill, but not many

From:

adiva_calandia

:D! I look forward to the details.

From:

newredshoes

...oh my goodness, look what you did!

What they said above -- will definitely have more to say in the morning!

From:

adiva_calandia

.... Your icon.

*giggling*

I look forward to your reactions!

From:

newredshoes

It's Sweeney's fault, she said sagely.

I now have to balance it out with an icon of sheer gorgeousness. *serene*

From:

adiva_calandia

... Nnguh.

You should totally Photoshop yellow eyes onto him. If I were the YED, I would possess him.

From:

the_croupier

Couple of thoughts:

1) I like the premise very much. But tackling the birth of the Chorus AND Prometheus AND Pandora in two short acts seems like a lot (though I admit, I may be missing a thread here that binds them tight enough thematically to make them work). Chorus and Prometheus alone works for me because then the theme of creation and engaging with the world is more clear for a short play.

(Admittedly, not a very helpful observation for a play named 'Pandora.' Sorry about that.)

2) Some great lines here. I especially like, "You can’t protect an idea. You can only be protected from them," but there are others I could pick out as well. In particular, "You can't diminish it by taking from it. You can only spread it around," is intriguing. I suspect there are deeper ideas buried in that statement that you could unpack some more.

3) The speech of Epimethus, Prometheus and Pandora feels a little too casual for me. Perhaps this was an attempt to make them seem timeless(?), which I would totally agree with. But just a touch more formality in their speech might help get across the gravity of what it is they're doing--creating the world as we know it. And in Prometheus' case, risking the most grievous of punishments for the sake of the survival of his charges.

4) PLEASE DON'T TAKE ANY OF THE ABOVE AS HARSH. I liked this a lot. I'm just trying to offer what I hope is constructive feedback. =)

From:

the_croupier

Another thought: Would the play be stronger somehow if we actually saw the price Prometheus paid for giving fire to humanity in the second part? As opposed to only seeing Epimethus' reaction to it?

It might not be helped by that. I'm not sure. So just posing the question.

From:

adiva_calandia

Dude, I WANT harsh criticism.

1) Okay, so theme didn't come across. If I shortened the Prometheus bit and lengthened the Pandora bit, would that help, do you think?

3) More formality to speech patterns. Got it. Do you think if the Chorus spoke less formally, the other characters' speech would be less odd? Or is it fundamentally a character thing?

. . . Wow, "character thing." Great specificity, huh? ;)

I am intrigued by the idea of showing Prometheus' price. I'll have to poke at it and see if there's a way I could do it without getting gratuitous.

Final question: Can you tell me exactly what you think the theme of the play was?

From:

the_croupier

1) Yes, I suspect that might help. Though right now I'd say the interaction of Prometheus and Epimethus is one of the best parts of the play. So I'd hate to see that lost. On the other hand, I like the dynamic of Pandora-Epimethus too. So maybe expanding the Pandora part is more important than shortening the Prometheus part.

3) I think making the Chorus less formal might only exacerbate the problem (as I see it--others might disagree). I like the speech of the Chorus as it is. And I also like the fact that the Chorus sounds more formal than the three characters (they're newly born and mortal, so they're trying harder).

I'm not sure I would suggest having every speaking part keep to the same level of formality--the result of that would probably be much too stiff. Hence my saying just a touch more formality for Ep, Prom and Pandora. I could be wrong, but I think just a few adjustments here and there might be enough.

And, by the way, I should say that I think the personalities of the characters come through just fine. It's only a question of the language they're using to express and explain themselves.

And, yes, I completely agree with your concern about Prometheus' price becoming gratuitous. It would be easy to go all horror show without adding anything pertinent to the play. But not seeing it at all, I think, lessens the impact of the tremendous risk he knowingly took on humanity's behalf.

In terms of theme, ummm, honestly not sure yet. But I'd really like to get second and third opinions about that from Aspen et al. It might only be me having the problem of seeing the thread from Chorus to Prometheus to Pandora here.

From:

adiva_calandia

Awesome. Thank you. :)

I'm not sure whether to be pleased that I didn't make the theme too beat-you-over-the-head, like I was afraid I was doing, or concerned that I didn't bring it out. *grin* So. Thank you! This is all extremely helpful.

From:

skygiants

*raises hand* I will weigh in on the formality-vs-informality tone: I really like Prometheus' informality and his flippancy. And Epithemeus seems to have a little less than he does, which I think is cool, especially when you contrast Prometheus with Zeus, who is much more formal and stiffer. I might make Pandora a little more formal than the two of them? Because she's new, too, and hasn't had time to pick up slang/figure out that you can shorten words and still have them mean the same thing. If that makes sense.