(no subject)

[adiva_calandia]

Okay. I need feedback.

Pandora: A Greek Play in Two Parts.

If you want to just read for fun, awesome -- I hope you enjoy it. :) I would love it, though, if you could take an extra minute or two and tell me:

~What you liked
~What you hated (or disliked, if you'd like to be charitable)
~What confused you

If you rave unconditionally about it, I will be pleased but suspicious. :P

Grazie!

Comments

[adiva_calandia]

Dude, I WANT harsh criticism.

1) Okay, so theme didn't come across. If I shortened the Prometheus bit and lengthened the Pandora bit, would that help, do you think?

3) More formality to speech patterns. Got it. Do you think if the Chorus spoke less formally, the other characters' speech would be less odd? Or is it fundamentally a character thing?

. . . Wow, "character thing." Great specificity, huh? ;)

I am intrigued by the idea of showing Prometheus' price. I'll have to poke at it and see if there's a way I could do it without getting gratuitous.

Final question: Can you tell me exactly what you think the theme of the play was?

[the_croupier]

1) Yes, I suspect that might help. Though right now I'd say the interaction of Prometheus and Epimethus is one of the best parts of the play. So I'd hate to see that lost. On the other hand, I like the dynamic of Pandora-Epimethus too. So maybe expanding the Pandora part is more important than shortening the Prometheus part.

3) I think making the Chorus less formal might only exacerbate the problem (as I see it--others might disagree). I like the speech of the Chorus as it is. And I also like the fact that the Chorus sounds more formal than the three characters (they're newly born and mortal, so they're trying harder).

I'm not sure I would suggest having every speaking part keep to the same level of formality--the result of that would probably be much too stiff. Hence my saying just a touch more formality for Ep, Prom and Pandora. I could be wrong, but I think just a few adjustments here and there might be enough.

And, by the way, I should say that I think the personalities of the characters come through just fine. It's only a question of the language they're using to express and explain themselves.

And, yes, I completely agree with your concern about Prometheus' price becoming gratuitous. It would be easy to go all horror show without adding anything pertinent to the play. But not seeing it at all, I think, lessens the impact of the tremendous risk he knowingly took on humanity's behalf.

In terms of theme, ummm, honestly not sure yet. But I'd really like to get second and third opinions about that from Aspen et al. It might only be me having the problem of seeing the thread from Chorus to Prometheus to Pandora here.

[adiva_calandia]

Awesome. Thank you. :)

I'm not sure whether to be pleased that I didn't make the theme too beat-you-over-the-head, like I was afraid I was doing, or concerned that I didn't bring it out. *grin* So. Thank you! This is all extremely helpful.

[skygiants]

*raises hand* I will weigh in on the formality-vs-informality tone: I really like Prometheus' informality and his flippancy. And Epithemeus seems to have a little less than he does, which I think is cool, especially when you contrast Prometheus with Zeus, who is much more formal and stiffer. I might make Pandora a little more formal than the two of them? Because she's new, too, and hasn't had time to pick up slang/figure out that you can shorten words and still have them mean the same thing. If that makes sense.

[adiva_calandia]

. . . Iiiiinteresting. *cryptic*

Excellent point about Pandora. Thanks for the feedback!