adiva_calandia: (running down the road)
I hate the hour before an audition. So much.

FUCK I have to go print out my resume and headshot. NGAH.

On the plus side, it's freaking gorgeous here in Valdez.

ETA: And then the three minutes of the actual audition--

--And then I hate the hour after the audition where I agonize over everything I could have done better and how OH GOD I HAVE HUGE BAGS UNDER MY EYES I'M NOT PRETTY and shit someone will have noticed I dropped that line in the Shakespeare and I should've committed more and made STRONG CHOICES oh god.

But it's over with! And I told them flat out that it was an audition for experience and exposure, since I'm going out of town, so if it wasn't my best work, it's not such a biggie.

*uses Zen Alaskan icon to calm self*
adiva_calandia: (running down the road)
Saw Cyrano again tonight. God. Cyrano de Bergerac will always, always make me want to cry; this particular adaptation is brilliant.

Then I went on a glacier cruise with a bunch of wonderful people and marveled more and more at how goddamn beautiful this state is. It was even sunny for the first half of the ride.

I am very tired and a little melancholy because a friend is leaving the state soon -- more melancholy on behalf of his best friend, who leaves town tonight and is saying goodbye to him now, than anything, but melancholy nonetheless. I have an audition tomorrow at 2 PM (that's 6 EST -- think me good thoughts!) that's more for exposure and experience than anything.

So I think I should go to bed.

Happy solstice from the land of the midnight sun, y'all.

(I'm really glad I have an Alaska icon now. *tiny hearts*)
adiva_calandia: (Default)
Problem with Alaska in the summer: It's near impossible to tell the difference between 11 PM, 2 AM, 5 AM, and 8 AM.

So when your roommate's phone rings at 4:50 AM and she goes hurrying out, it's fairly disorienting. Is it really 5 AM? Are my clocks wrong and it's actually 8? Uh?

*confused* *and hungry, holy crap* *and going back to bed*
adiva_calandia: (Default)
A monologue, dashed off for the "Write Your Own Compelling Monologue" workshop. The prompt -- say something you've always wanted to say to someone. Help them, advise them, or tell them off.

Guess which one I chose.

I can't believe I just said that. )
adiva_calandia: (CMU Dramaturg)
So last night was a real mixed bag. I went to a great show called Sway Me, Moon, about . . . well, I couldn't tell you what it was about without a few readings of the script, but it involved two old ladies not in possession of all their faculties, adult children, love, moons, peaches, and the ghost of Dean Martin. Fun and touching.

And then my camera was missing.

And then I discovered that I (and at least one roommate, I think) was being unceremoniously ousted from my room by a group coming in; they didn't know I was going to be in the room, or the housing manager didn't know they didn't know, or something -- not interested in going into the details. That was understandably upsetting; even with the sure knowledge that no one was going to let me go without a roof over my head, and that I had at least two floors I could easily crash on, being told in no uncertain terms by people you've known since you were eight "You need to get out of our room" is no fun.

And my camera was still missing. Is still missing.

Anyway. The upshot is that I'm staying on the floor of a girl I quite like, and who actually makes sure the door is closed and locked when we leave the room, and my roommate who also got kicked out is now sleeping in a hotel, so we both got a decent deal out of it. And though I'm still somewhat upset about being ousted by friends, that situation has -- stabilized, if not resolved. So.

After I'd moved into Christina's room, I went to the bonfire, which was a hell of a bonfire, and that made the evening much better. I ate a lot of marshmallows, I got to watch local celebrities make fools of themselves doing the Footloose dance, I hung out with a lot of cool people, I skipped rocks on the river, I gave some dogs some serious scritchings. I stayed up far too late and decided to skip yoga and the first play reading in favor of sleeping. In spite of lingering upset -- and I really mean in spite of, as in "Screw you, being upset" -- I got myself out of the room and went to the civic center.

I saw most of one really great reading (The Afterlife of the Mind, a dark, disgusting, philosophical, deeply moving story about life, death, love, and brain transplants), and then went to an equally awesome workshop on moving onstage. That really ended up being about awareness of your own body and energy, and it was -- I can't even describe (although I'm willing to try, if anyone asks). It's been a long time since I was asked to do any sort of intense, kinesthetic and visual exercises like those. It felt like being River Tam.

After that, I went to a not-so-great reading that had the advantage of giving me some ideas for [livejournal.com profile] ladye_bright, and then I came back here rather than go to more readings. I've had too much coffee or something, because I feel a little wobbly. Although that's also probably lingering upset, and the fact that I haven't eaten much today (no appetite).

And, y'know, my camera is still missing.

Other good things about today, though: I'm wearing my CMU Drama shirt, and the guy teaching the movement workshop is from Pennsylvania. We had this instant little bond. That was very cool.

Also, at lunch I got to geeksquee about Angels in America with one of my very good friends, and fantasy-cast an Anchorage production, and quote lines back and forth. And that was hugely fun.
adiva_calandia: (Default)
I wrote a poem that really needs to be read aloud, so I'll do that.

This is rapidly turning into one of my best weeks in recent memory. I hope it stays this way.
adiva_calandia: (CMU Dramaturg)
Today has been a kick in the pants, a slap in the face, and a proffered hand, all in the most polite and optimistic yet brisk manner possible. The message overall? This -- theatre, what I want to do -- is not easy, and if I want to do it the way I want to do it, I'm gonna have to work.

Examples: An hour and a half listening to a panel on how hard it is and how much work it takes to be an actor in LA.

Going to yoga and realizing that I'm neither as strong nor as flexible in some areas as I thought.

Getting up in a workshop, starting my monologue, and being told I was doing exactly what I'd intended not to do (including going up on lines a third in).

But all of those were mitigated by things like: A panelist mentioning what great opportunities there are for theatre on the Internet, and having a personal moment of realization that I have the chance to contribute to that now (HEY GUYS IF YOU HAVEN'T CHECKED OUT ZOMBIE RADIO YET GO NOW, AUDITIONS CLOSE TOMORROW).

The satisfaction of knowing that I have the self-discipline to haul my sorry butt out of bed at 7:30 AM and go to yoga, and to do that for the rest of the week and improve.

The thrill of recognition, the moment of That's how I write! That's how I act!, when listening to the monologue coach work with others and tell them that this isn't about becoming someone else, this is about putting yourself in the given circumstances and letting the character come through you.

Being told, immediately after "You need to do your homework on this monologue," that "You have great energy, you're adorable. Do your homework, come find me later in the week, we'll grab a room and work on this." Not to mention the satisfaction of having finally told my self-doubt and anxiety Fuck you, I'm going to get up there and do this monologue instead of sitting here worrying that I'll suck, and if I suck, I'll get better.

It was, in many ways, a very scary day. I was shaking when I got off the stage of the monologue workshop, and I felt almost ill when I heard all these professional successful actors talk about how little you make off commercials, how hard it is to succeed. But I need those. I need to be able to look at how scared I am and say "Okay. I'm scared. This is hard. Is that going to stop me from doing this?" Because if it is, I may as well go be an administrative assistant and make way more money than I will acting.

But if I can say fuck you to fear and go ahead and try to do something, even while I'm shaking with nerves -- then maybe I'm where I belong.

I think this icon has never been more appropriate.

Good day.

(Walking back to the dorm listening to "It's Hard to Be A Saint In the City" was awesome, too. I need more Springsteen, dude.)
adiva_calandia: (Are you -- Nobody -- Too?)
--NGAH WAIT WHAT AGAIN I HAVE TO DRIVE 300 MILES TODAY.

I think a 19-ft RV could handle those suckers, in any case.

KTHNXBAI.
adiva_calandia: (CMU Dramaturg)
OMFG I AM GOING TO THE VALDEZ THEATRE CONFERENCE TO READ IN NEW PLAYS.

AAAAAAAAAH.

MUST WRITE A BIO FOR MYSELF. AND GET SOME KIND OF HEADSHOT.

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