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adiva_calandiaGUYS GUYS GUYS RANDALL MUNROE IS GONNA BE AT CMU ON THE 9TH.
HOW COOL IS THAT.
I have to go see him.
So. A rant.
Yesterday and Tuesday night I was wearing my Halloween costume -- devil horns, contacts, eyeliner, shiny red shirt tied to accent boobs and waist, tail, knee-length denim skirt, red fishnets, two-inch strappy heels. I thought I looked pretty hot.
I was told no less than half a dozen times that I looked "cute." I think I got two "great"s in there, too. One of the "cute"s was from a girl who said, on hearing the phrase "red fishnets," said "[Boy] is gonna be all over you!" but on seeing the costume changed to "Cute!"
Red fishnets and I'm cute! What's it take, huh?
I am tired of being "cute."
Don't get me wrong -- I'm enough of an attention whore to like any compliment (I act for a reason) -- and "cute" is certainly a compliment. It's also a diminutive. "Cute" is small, young, innocent. In some contexts, I would go so far as to say it's the verbal equivalent of people I've known who felt free to pick me up and carry me around simply because they were big and I'm not -- it reinforces that I am, while not necessarily lesser, definitely littler.
Being five-foot-nothing, I will always, for the rest of my life, have to deal with the fact that the world is bigger than I am. I don't complain much about being so short, because it has its advantages -- riding in airplanes, for example, or getting cast as younger roles. But those are balanced by the fact that when I sit in most chairs, my toes are the only part of my feet that touch the floor (which can be incredibly uncomfortable after a while), and by the fact that it's hard to find pants that fit, and by the fact that crowds are hell because people can't see me.
And, above all, that there will always be some people who assume that because I'm short, I'm young and can't control others.
Which is why I do flaunt my black belt and practice roundhouse kicks while waiting for the elevator, and why I learned how to project and will happily yell over a group if need be. I can't be bigger, so I make myself sound bigger and look tougher.
There's also the fact that at 19, I'd like to be recognized as someone who knows about sex and, God forbid, might like the idea. I dealt with a label of "innocent" all the way through high school, because when everyone else talked about sex, I stayed quiet, laughed at all the jokes, didn't contribute. In mixed company, I stay quiet for fear of making others uncomfortable; male masturbation and penises are pretty commonly accepted topics of humor, but some people are still uncertain about the idea of, say, female masturbation, making sites like this necessary.
Rather than kill the humor by bringing up something weird like that, I stay quiet. I've been in one situation in life where I felt like I could talk as raunchily as I liked -- backstage of Midnight Soapscum: Porn! Because, well, if you can't loosen some inhibitions in a show like that, you can't anywhere.
Soapscum was also the only place I've ever been called "sexy" by someone whose opinion I believed on the subject. And he was drunk, so it still wasn't exactly a credible source.
I don't want to always be cute. I'd like to be an adult who can be something else.
HOW COOL IS THAT.
I have to go see him.
So. A rant.
Yesterday and Tuesday night I was wearing my Halloween costume -- devil horns, contacts, eyeliner, shiny red shirt tied to accent boobs and waist, tail, knee-length denim skirt, red fishnets, two-inch strappy heels. I thought I looked pretty hot.
I was told no less than half a dozen times that I looked "cute." I think I got two "great"s in there, too. One of the "cute"s was from a girl who said, on hearing the phrase "red fishnets," said "[Boy] is gonna be all over you!" but on seeing the costume changed to "Cute!"
Red fishnets and I'm cute! What's it take, huh?
I am tired of being "cute."
Don't get me wrong -- I'm enough of an attention whore to like any compliment (I act for a reason) -- and "cute" is certainly a compliment. It's also a diminutive. "Cute" is small, young, innocent. In some contexts, I would go so far as to say it's the verbal equivalent of people I've known who felt free to pick me up and carry me around simply because they were big and I'm not -- it reinforces that I am, while not necessarily lesser, definitely littler.
Being five-foot-nothing, I will always, for the rest of my life, have to deal with the fact that the world is bigger than I am. I don't complain much about being so short, because it has its advantages -- riding in airplanes, for example, or getting cast as younger roles. But those are balanced by the fact that when I sit in most chairs, my toes are the only part of my feet that touch the floor (which can be incredibly uncomfortable after a while), and by the fact that it's hard to find pants that fit, and by the fact that crowds are hell because people can't see me.
And, above all, that there will always be some people who assume that because I'm short, I'm young and can't control others.
Which is why I do flaunt my black belt and practice roundhouse kicks while waiting for the elevator, and why I learned how to project and will happily yell over a group if need be. I can't be bigger, so I make myself sound bigger and look tougher.
There's also the fact that at 19, I'd like to be recognized as someone who knows about sex and, God forbid, might like the idea. I dealt with a label of "innocent" all the way through high school, because when everyone else talked about sex, I stayed quiet, laughed at all the jokes, didn't contribute. In mixed company, I stay quiet for fear of making others uncomfortable; male masturbation and penises are pretty commonly accepted topics of humor, but some people are still uncertain about the idea of, say, female masturbation, making sites like this necessary.
Rather than kill the humor by bringing up something weird like that, I stay quiet. I've been in one situation in life where I felt like I could talk as raunchily as I liked -- backstage of Midnight Soapscum: Porn! Because, well, if you can't loosen some inhibitions in a show like that, you can't anywhere.
Soapscum was also the only place I've ever been called "sexy" by someone whose opinion I believed on the subject. And he was drunk, so it still wasn't exactly a credible source.
I don't want to always be cute. I'd like to be an adult who can be something else.
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no subject
Date: 2007-11-01 06:52 pm (UTC)It must be some kind of epidemic striking small brunette girls with glasses, perhaps specifically those born in October of 1988. Further research may come up with more information.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-01 07:20 pm (UTC)Honestly? I wouldn't be surprised. I've known a number of small brunette girls with glasses (ie, similar enough that we'd get mistaken for each other); I should conduct a poll.