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Feb. 23rd, 2012 04:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
adiva_calandiaFunny but sad but appropriate:
I want to mark the fact that someone I know died last night -- a theatre artist and a lovely woman. I wore one of my CMU shirts all day, as a start.
I was thinking about changing into all black for rehearsal tonight, and then realized that nobody would notice it as anything out of the ordinary. It's tech rehearsal. It's theatre. People wear all black.
But it kind of seems like a doubly appropriate gesture, for that very reason. They're not just mourning clothes, they're work clothes. I didn't know well the designer in question that well, so I don't feel at all comfortable saying something like "She would have wanted that" or "She would have liked that," but I know CMU dramats, and I do think if there's anything we all have in common, it's this: devotion to our art, and some fierce black ensembles, and a tendency to combine one with the other.
(And part of me worries that this whole debate -- this whole post -- is making something that should be about her into something about me, but mourning is always for us the living, isn't it? Is it wrong to do this for me? Is it selfish to do something for me when I only sort of knew her? And I think the answer is no, because it doesn't matter how well I knew her. I know she was talented, I know she was kind, I know she had a beautiful smile, I know she told me once she had a dream about me. I know her boyfriend is a gentle giant and I know that I can't imagine how he must feel now. And I know I'm sad that she's gone.)
I want to mark the fact that someone I know died last night -- a theatre artist and a lovely woman. I wore one of my CMU shirts all day, as a start.
I was thinking about changing into all black for rehearsal tonight, and then realized that nobody would notice it as anything out of the ordinary. It's tech rehearsal. It's theatre. People wear all black.
But it kind of seems like a doubly appropriate gesture, for that very reason. They're not just mourning clothes, they're work clothes. I didn't know well the designer in question that well, so I don't feel at all comfortable saying something like "She would have wanted that" or "She would have liked that," but I know CMU dramats, and I do think if there's anything we all have in common, it's this: devotion to our art, and some fierce black ensembles, and a tendency to combine one with the other.
(And part of me worries that this whole debate -- this whole post -- is making something that should be about her into something about me, but mourning is always for us the living, isn't it? Is it wrong to do this for me? Is it selfish to do something for me when I only sort of knew her? And I think the answer is no, because it doesn't matter how well I knew her. I know she was talented, I know she was kind, I know she had a beautiful smile, I know she told me once she had a dream about me. I know her boyfriend is a gentle giant and I know that I can't imagine how he must feel now. And I know I'm sad that she's gone.)
no subject
Date: 2012-02-24 01:46 am (UTC)Its not selfish to do what you need to do to live through your grief.
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Date: 2012-02-24 07:40 am (UTC)