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Feb. 8th, 2007 09:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
adiva_calandia*rueful* I dislike being reminded that I am, after all, only human.
When I came into band freshman year, I was kind of a hotshot. *shrug* I'm good at timpani and mallet percussion, and Williamson, our director, recognized it and gave me -- me, a scared little freshman! -- the timpani part for The Inferno, one of the most fun pieces of music I've ever played. Robert Smith is like John Williams, only with more percussion, and a lot of timpani. And timpani solos. He's awesome, if over-the-top.
We played the rest of the symphony that Inferno is part of over the next two years, and each time I had the timpani part (including one concert, when we played The Ascension, where he handed me the part at the concert and said "Here, you can sight-read, right?"). Eventually we played all four movements as a symphony. What a high.
Since then, he gives me some good timpani parts, some good mallet parts, including chimes on another Robert Smith piece -- the last movement of The Odyssey, Ithaca. It's mad fun -- fast and loud and with big sections of "Now just hit every chime you can so it sounds like cathedral bells, mkay?"
Enough of my backstory.
We have a freshman who plays timpani who is, basically, me, only with a slightly wider range of talents. She's very, very good, both on timpani and mallets. I quite like her, and we've been playing together since the beginning of the year.
We also have a freshman who came in a few weeks ago. She's a whiz on mallets. So now we have Timpanist, who I know and like, and Mallets, who I don't really know. Mallets is short, blonde, pretty, very good at what she plays, when she plays.
I have been trying so, so hard not to resent Mallets. For taking my place, for being itty-bitty and blonde and wearing too much makeup, for taking my place, for ignoring the music and Williamson's directions in favor of flirting with the baritone players across the room, did I mention for taking my place?
You might be able to tell that I'm not succeeding so well.
Tonight we played The Odyssey. Timpanist played timpani, of course, and she was great. I played a number of small parts and had fun through the first two movements.
I'd talked to Mallets earlier about whether she was going to play chimes on Ithaca. "Do you want me to, or can you handle it?" "Oh, no, that's okay, I can do it."
We got to Ithaca, she picked up the mallets -- and missed her first note of the piece. And continued to do so. She played about three of her notes in the whole piece. Mom said she looked lost, fumbling with her music and mallets -- all while I stood in the wings and wanted to snatch the mallets out of her hands and play, dammit, why isn't she playing.
I forebore.
I can't be mad at her for screwing up. I remember being a freshman and thinking it was better to get out of the way than to hit the wrong notes. And I can't resent her because she's short or blonde or doesn't care as much about music as I do.
But I offered her an out, and she didn't take it, and it detracted from the piece, and that? I resent. It's uncomfortable, because I don't like disliking other people, but there it is.
She can be me when I'm gone; but I'm not gone yet. And if she's going to be me when I'm gone, she'd better shape up.
But the concert went really well! *lamely*
Bah. Now I feel mean.
When I came into band freshman year, I was kind of a hotshot. *shrug* I'm good at timpani and mallet percussion, and Williamson, our director, recognized it and gave me -- me, a scared little freshman! -- the timpani part for The Inferno, one of the most fun pieces of music I've ever played. Robert Smith is like John Williams, only with more percussion, and a lot of timpani. And timpani solos. He's awesome, if over-the-top.
We played the rest of the symphony that Inferno is part of over the next two years, and each time I had the timpani part (including one concert, when we played The Ascension, where he handed me the part at the concert and said "Here, you can sight-read, right?"). Eventually we played all four movements as a symphony. What a high.
Since then, he gives me some good timpani parts, some good mallet parts, including chimes on another Robert Smith piece -- the last movement of The Odyssey, Ithaca. It's mad fun -- fast and loud and with big sections of "Now just hit every chime you can so it sounds like cathedral bells, mkay?"
Enough of my backstory.
We have a freshman who plays timpani who is, basically, me, only with a slightly wider range of talents. She's very, very good, both on timpani and mallets. I quite like her, and we've been playing together since the beginning of the year.
We also have a freshman who came in a few weeks ago. She's a whiz on mallets. So now we have Timpanist, who I know and like, and Mallets, who I don't really know. Mallets is short, blonde, pretty, very good at what she plays, when she plays.
I have been trying so, so hard not to resent Mallets. For taking my place, for being itty-bitty and blonde and wearing too much makeup, for taking my place, for ignoring the music and Williamson's directions in favor of flirting with the baritone players across the room, did I mention for taking my place?
You might be able to tell that I'm not succeeding so well.
Tonight we played The Odyssey. Timpanist played timpani, of course, and she was great. I played a number of small parts and had fun through the first two movements.
I'd talked to Mallets earlier about whether she was going to play chimes on Ithaca. "Do you want me to, or can you handle it?" "Oh, no, that's okay, I can do it."
We got to Ithaca, she picked up the mallets -- and missed her first note of the piece. And continued to do so. She played about three of her notes in the whole piece. Mom said she looked lost, fumbling with her music and mallets -- all while I stood in the wings and wanted to snatch the mallets out of her hands and play, dammit, why isn't she playing.
I forebore.
I can't be mad at her for screwing up. I remember being a freshman and thinking it was better to get out of the way than to hit the wrong notes. And I can't resent her because she's short or blonde or doesn't care as much about music as I do.
But I offered her an out, and she didn't take it, and it detracted from the piece, and that? I resent. It's uncomfortable, because I don't like disliking other people, but there it is.
She can be me when I'm gone; but I'm not gone yet. And if she's going to be me when I'm gone, she'd better shape up.
But the concert went really well! *lamely*
Bah. Now I feel mean.
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no subject
Date: 2007-02-09 09:20 am (UTC)Any better? :)
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Date: 2007-02-09 04:53 pm (UTC)*hugsback* Thanks.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-09 04:12 pm (UTC)I venture to say that Mallets sounds like she's there to have fun, but music/performance/the arts is not actually a focus in her life. I've known a number of percussionists like that, sadly. Sometimes people go to play percussion because they think it'll be "the easy part."
People are very strange, but this is not news.
Anyway. No, she will never be you, when you're gone or not. Maybe the director will have a chat with her?
no subject
Date: 2007-02-09 04:50 pm (UTC)Sometimes people go to play percussion because they think it'll be "the easy part."
*rueful smile* I could've made the post half again as long by venting about three other percussionists who're drummers for just that reason. We'll see how she turns out -- I have high hopes for her figuring out how to deal.